Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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