Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
