I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
