you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
