kristin has been a bad kristin
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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