i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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