i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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