dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I can feel your judgement through the phone
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
