allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
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