Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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