Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
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