I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Randomize
