Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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