its not stalking. its research.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Less talking, more tequila
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
My ass is underappreciated
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
