office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Randomize
