you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
