just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
you never un-have a 4some
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
