He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
