i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
