I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Randomize
