So drunk its hurt
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
