oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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