I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
We just shotgunned beers for America
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
