All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
