we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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