I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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