I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
