..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Randomize
