Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
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