Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Randomize
