I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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