roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Who put my cat in the fridge?
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
