Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Randomize
