maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
