Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
