You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
