so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
