Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Randomize
