Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
