apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
cat food counts as protein by the way
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
