I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
