I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
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