i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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