I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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