You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
