I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
We left an ass print on the piano.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Randomize
