i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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