"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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