i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
