her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
