I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
