I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
We left an ass print on the piano.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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