I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
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