We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
