I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Randomize
