My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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