in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
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