I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Randomize
