Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Randomize
