its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
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