i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
