i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
