That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
