come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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