i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I smell stomach acid.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Randomize
