Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize