I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
